Motivation

I still crave the sugar. And I give in all the time. Sometimes, it seems to "own" me less if I just eat it and move on - just try the cookie and then it will stop staring. Most of the time, it is not as good as I think it will be. Most of the time, my cravings and imaginings taste better in my mind than the actual food does once I just eat it. Now, I can walk down the candy aisle and not really get pulled by the magnetism of my former love. Chocolate? No problem. Don't need it. Andes mints? Can live without 'em. It's almost like I am too busy for eating, like I have to find time just to nourish myself, and when I do, it is just for actual food, not sugar and "cardboard" fluff like McDonald's hamburger buns.

Not to say that I am not eating things I shouldn't, but looking at the motivation behind it, there is less of a 'need' and more of an apathy.. Like, I don't need it, but I would LIKE it, and if nobody is watching.. what would it hurt? I notice that telling people that I am "quitting carbs" was enough to make it unthinkable to eat them in front of anyone. That makes it easier to avoid in the light of day, and then at night I sneak a cupcake or a pot of noodles.. What will it take for me to be motivated internally and not rely on others to avoid the junk? When will my own well-being be enough motivation?